Chapter 3: The Awakening
Alice was right. I had it bad.
…Really bad for this man.
I didn't even know if it was him or his dick, but when I was around him, I needed him inside me. And when we were apart, well, I need him inside me. I wanted his hands on my body, and his mouth breathlessly moaning my name.
I needed him.
This shit was insane.
I tried not to think too much about it. I didn't want to think too much about what all this meant for us. I just wanted to enjoy the time with him while it was hot and new, and he was here and not in some third world county, saving the world one article at a time.
I was hit with a new wave of inspiration at work, and came up with something our boss called 'next level' and 'career defining.' I barely cared though. All I could think about was getting home and getting to him.
I passed his door, and of course, it was cracked just-so. Today, instead of immediately entering his apartment, I made a beeline for mine, and stripped out of my clothing. I was exhausted and wanted to take a nap, for just an hour.
An hour had turned into five when I popped my head up in my darkened living room. Quickly, I showered and slipped into the first pair of shorts I found, my favorite college sweatshirt, and flip flops. Then, I exited with my house keys in-hand.
His door was closed.
Of course it was closed. It was fucking 12AM. My body said a silent prayer as my fingertips found the knob, turned and pushed.
It opened.
He'd waited for me.
I entered into his home, closing the door behind me and locking it. My eyes searched in the dark for any bit of light so I wouldn't break something in his house or my leg tripping. I carefully stripped off my clothing in a trail to his room, and found him sprawled out on his bed. A stream of light washed across his face and chest. From where I stood, I could tell he was naked, with the sheet covering any view that might suggest otherwise.
God, I wanted him.
He stirred, sensing I was in the room, but before he could open his eyes, my lips were on his. He moaned in approval, wrapping me up in his arms, and moving his mouth against mine. It all felt so safe – so right.
We moved in sync with each other, so easily, both reaching for the sheet and sliding it off his hips. Thankfully, he had slept nude tonight. I wrapped my hand around his already solid cock, sliding up and down, enjoying the feel of him, and he moaned against my neck.
"God Bella...thought you weren't coming..." he mumbled, as he trailed kisses down my throat. He flipped me onto my back and positioned himself between my parted thighs.
"I'm sorry Jake...such a long day...fell asleep." I gasped as he entered me quickly; we were both so anxious.
I was already slick, and he went in deliciously thick and smooth. I moaned as he started his assault on my body: rhythmic and practiced. He knew what I wanted. He knew how to make me chant his name and beg for sinful things of him.
His hips moved against me, his back arching, and then curving; arching and curving. My whimpers soon filled the air and my nipples hardened in arousal, as his tongue licked and lapped at them. I locked my ankles at the dip of his lower back. His mouth found mine again in the darkness, and his fingers threading in my hair. Then, he began whispering delicious things to me, hot against my ear.
He was doing this to me.
He was making me insane.
"Oh, Jacob..." I hissed as he drove even deeper and bit the swell of my breast. "Fuck me..." He kissed me deeper, and then pulled his mouth away. He stroked me a few more times, and then his thrusts became shallower, until he'd completely slid out of me.
"Turn over." I could barely obey before he had my ankle and was flipping me onto my stomach.
"Up," he commanded, patting the curve of my ass. He pushed my lower back down until it arched, just right, and he was satisfied. After, he placed his palms between my thighs. "Wider."
I steadied myself on my forearms, waiting for what I wanted – what he wanted. He murmured something in Quileute, grabbing my hip and rubbing the head of his cock over it. I whimpered, "Please..."
He slid into me, and my whole body tensed. Still, he never stopped his stroking. It was too good; too fucking good. He'd never taken me this way, and it was so much better than I could have even hoped to imagine.
"How's it feel?" he whispered, going deeper, "You're so wet Bells..." I couldn't hold my screams in any longer. I moaned, and cried, and thrashed my head as my body jerked forward with each thrust.
"Oooh, that good?" He whispered, again, slapping my ass hard enough to feel good and I cried out again. He thrust so deeply I swore I could feel him in my stomach and it hurt so good. "Your ass from this position Bells...its fucking amazing..."
He'd never talked this much when we'd had sex, before. He was usually stark quiet, save for small moans or clipped swearing. This...this was a fucking turn-on; I just wanted him to keep going.
"Jacob...oh my God..."
"Yeah?"
"...Feels so good." I grunted, moving my hips to meet him. He dove long and hard into me, and I met him greedily each time.
"...Ah, Bells..."
…Smack.
…Moan.
"Oh. Oh. Oh. OH!" I moaned against each of his thrusts, hissing out his name as he moved and stroked within me.
He was tugging on my hair, and pulling me toward him, riding me hard and fast. I felt my orgasm just on the edges of my consciousness, and I gripped the sheets to anchor myself. The shudders erupted in me, beginning so deep – deep and soft – until they exploded in spasms that shook my entire body and caused a stream of wetness to pool where we were still joined.
"Fuck!" He yelled behind me. His thighs slapped loudly against me, with one final, forceful thrust that caused me to cry out again.
Oh my god.
That was insane.
He squeezed my thighs, still pulsing inside me, and my head lulled to the side in exhaustion. Every part of my skin was alive and raw, and I wasn't sure I could take any more stimulation of any kind, for at least ten minutes. Then he leaned into my hair, never sliding out of me, and still semi-erect.
"Shit..." he whispered.
Bells?
Bells.
I liked that. He'd called me it all night; I couldn't help but notice when he'd called me something other than Bella. It was possessive, like I was his.
Finally, I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck kissing him with all the passion within me. I wanted him to know what he did to me. I needed him to know how he made me feel. He returned my fervor, running his hands over my body like it was the first time, and like I belonged to him.
This was...different.
I'd come over Friday night, after work and well, now it was early Sunday morning. 3:07 A.M. to be exact.
I couldn't sleep; the rain had kept me awake, as did my racing mind, while I lay in his bed, watching him sleep as soundly as he always did. I rose, attempting not to rouse him, though I was sure I wouldn't. I'd learned he could sleep through pretty much anything, without moving an inch.
We had made love in almost every corner of his house for the last two days, stopping only to eat, or drink. At one point, I begged him to let me go and shower and just, well, rest. That I couldn't take anymore, at least, not for an hour, so I could catch my breath.
He was insatiable.
So was I...with him.
The days just ran together in one constant loop of blinding pleasure and release.
What was he doing to me?
I was afraid to admit a few blaring things to myself at that point. One, this was so much more than sex. Over the last month, he had burrowed his way into my heart, and my mind.
Two...
Two kinda sucked.
We didn't know nearly enough about each other for me to be feeling this way; as strongly as I felt it. I mean, we knew how to make each other cum or moan, or scream, but... Our time not panting and sweaty was just peppered with light conversation.
What were we doing?
Three...I wanted more from him. I...
I was falling in love with him.
Alice had pointed that out on more than one occasion, in addition to her constant urging to meet him. I didn't want this to be some fuck-fest I had that one time, which was amazing, but whatever happened to that guy? No...
I wanted him to be mine. …Every part of him.
The thought of him traipsing off to Indonesia or Haiti or where ever else without me caused me so much physical pain and it scared me. The thought of it now, while sitting in a chair, watching the rain fall in buckets outside his open balcony doors, made me want to cry. What the hell was I gonna do now?
I was in, deep. And every day, I buried myself a little deeper and he made his way into my heart a little more. I walked to where the rain splattered in pools against the balcony, both hands bracing myself on the beams of the doorway, deep in thought about what was the next course of action.
…Stark naked.
Luckily, Jake's room faced away from the street, toward the beach, and we were far away from anything or anyone that could see me. That was reassuring. I stood, letting the warm wind blow in, swirling over my body, so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't hear him stir.
I felt his hands on my body reaching from behind me. He murmured, huskily in my ear, "Hey you..."
I could feel him in every piece of me. Closing my eyes and just feeling, I whispered, "Hey..."
I felt his body hot and soft behind mine. Felt his hands roam over my skin tenderly. Felt him smooth my hair over my opposite shoulder and his mouth pressed upon my neck.
"What are you doing awake?"
"...Couldn't sleep." I sighed, contentedly and he hummed, thoughtfully against the back of my neck.
"You know, to my people, rain is sacred." He reached his long arm out to allow a few rain drops to fall into his palm. "...a life force. It brings with it life and new possibilities." He continued, rubbing my shoulder with his wet palm, and it was an orgasmic feeling. I let him continue.
"It's good luck. The rain brings with it renewal..." he murmured. He kissed my other shoulder, ran his hands across my collarbone, slowly lowering to my nipples, and paused to caress them. A small moan escaped my lips. Then he spoke into my hair, "Bella..."
He stepped forward, taking me with him, willingly. Two more steps and we stood on his balcony, allowing the warm Jacksonville rain to cover us, running in rivers over our bodies. He massaged me, smoothing his strong hands over my body, rubbing my scalp, squeezing the swell of my thighs, and I was in heaven. It was like us in the shower, only, so, so much better.
I turned in his arms and stepped back gazing at him there in the moonlight. His eyes were black, his beautiful hair wet and falling about his shoulders, and his perfect body was covered in rainwater. It slowly dripped down every sinewy muscle of his torso, to his thighs.
"Bella..." he whispered my name again. I whimpered in reply as he lifted me and my legs wrapped around his waist. My hands were in his hair and I was being pinned to the wall in the next moment as he lowered me down onto his shaft.
He kissed me so tenderly, our mouths slippery and wet against each other as the rain fell steadily against us. It wasn't frantic or fiery.
It was slow and deep and patient.
"...Bella...."
He whispered my name again, and again. I held on to his wet shoulders, gripping the back of his neck as he clung to my hips, tightly, guiding me along his body. My clit rubbed slickly against him as I bounced up and down gingerly.
Oh God...
I was overwhelmed.
I was overwhelmed with the way he chanting my name. With the feel of our bodies, exposed, slick, and wet. With the feel of him inside me, shifting and driving into me. With the way my heart was so full and ached for him.
I was overwhelmed and I felt the tears, prickling the edges of my eyes.
I didn't dare let him see me cry. So I stilled myself, and wept silent sobs, moaning through my blindingly strong orgasm with him deep inside me. I prayed the rain would wash all my tears away.
"You need to tell him Bella," Alice said, as we sat, sipping our daily Starbucks fix, that Monday morning. "You obviously love the guy. And so what? Your situation is a little less than conventional. Who gives a shit? You care about each other."
She had spent the last half-hour convincing me of my need to share my feelings with Jacob. That being honest would be the only way we could turn the corner on this...relationship? Situation? Thing we were doing.
Don't get me wrong, I had loved every second of the last month. He treated me like I was the most important thing in the world when were together. They were some of the best moments of my twenty-seven years on this planet, but it was time for more. I was getting too invested, and, if I just laid it all out there for him at this point, I might stand a chance of piecing my broken heart back together if he rejected me.
…Might.
"It needs to be today B, as soon as you get home. You're a big girl now, kid. So, do what big girls do, and go get your man." She smiled her infectious smile and winked at me. I felt besieged, and terrified, but damnit, I could do this.
I was twitchy and anxious all day, staring at the small rectangle at the right side of my desktop screen. I peered at the time every ten seconds, it seemed, until it reached 5:00. I drove slowly, rehearsing what I would say to him and coming up with questions, or answers, and possible responses to things he might say. As I parked along the curb right outside our building, I blew out a collecting breath. Then I collected my laptop bag, purse, and other things, and made my ascent to our floor.
His door was closed.
It was never closed at this time of day. He was always waiting for me. It was always cracked.
A wave of panic washed over me, as I gripped the knob, turned, and then pushed.
It was locked.
If his door was never closed, then it was absolutely never locked. Not without me on the other side with him.
That's okay, Bella. Maybe he's not home. Maybe he stopped out for groceries, or went for a run.
There could be a million perfectly normal, perfectly average reasons why his door would be closed and locked at this time of day.
Relax.
My heart slowed. This was ridiculous. I'd just go back to my apartment, change out of my work clothes, maybe watch some OnDemand, and catch up on a couple designs I'd been slacking off on, while I waited for him.
He'd be back soon.
I could go a few hours without seeing him. I wasn't an addict. He wasn't my heroin.
I pulled on some old sweats and a tank and piled all my hair in a band. Next, I grabbed a glass of wine that I'd scored from Jacob and got started on my computer. After a couple hours, I had been surprisingly productive. I even managed to email Renee and give Charlie a call to check in.
Just as I was walking to my kitchen for a second glass of red, I heard his door swing open.
My heart soared. God, what the hell? I was missing him like crazy, and he'd been gone for almost three hours.
I bee-lined for my front door, and opened it, but was met with voices.
…Baritone.
…Alto.
…A sexy Alto.
I popped my head out into the hallway, finding a smiling Jacob and a tall, leggy redhead, also smiling.
Something snapped inside me.
…Tall, leggy alto.
…Smiley Jacob.
…Locked door.
I softly closed my door, willing the rage not to overpower my senses. I felt the fire burning. I was fucking pissed. I was fucking pissed at him and I wanted to break her fucking neck with my bare hands.
Mine.
I waited until the click of her heels drifted down the hallway and I'd heard the elevator ding. Then I went flying out of my apartment.
KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!
I had never knocked on his door, for as long as I'd known him.
He swung the door open almost immediately. "Hey Ness. You forget somet—"
Yeah. Not Ness. What kind of name is Ness anyway?
"I can't fucking believe you, Jacob," I spat, pushing against his chest.
"Bells—"
"Don't fucking 'Bells' me!" I growled pushing him again, then again. "What? Did you get tired of fucking me all the time, so you decided to add another girl into the mix? Huh, Jacob?"
"What?!" he yelled. He grabbed my wrists, mid-push, and pulled me roughly into his apartment. Then he turned to slam the door closed, and faced me, eyes black. "Bella. You need to calm down—"
"Calm down? You want me to calm down?! You're fucking some woman that's not me, and you want me to calm down? I guess it's alright, right, Jacob? I mean, we aren't together. We're only fuckbuddies, right? You can do whatever you damn-well please, right Jacob?" I hissed.
My heart was throbbing; it had shattered and was a bloody mess on the floor. I moved toward him to slap that beautiful face until I couldn't feel my fingers any longer.
"Bella!" he said, catching my wrist again, He spun me in one quick motion, pinning me against his chest with my arms crossed tightly over my breasts. I struggled, and struggled, until we were both panting and breathless, and I was so angry the tears came in buckets.
"Bells. Baby..." he said, softly, "She's my editor."
"Oh, that's just fucking great," I said, sobbing and defeated. "Perfect." He paused, and turned me around. His eyes were darker, and face was more serious than I'd ever seen it.
"Isabella," he said through clenched teeth, "All I can ever think about is you. You hold every part of me in your hands. You say the word and I'd grab the moon and the sun for you..."
Oh.
I started to speak again but after the glare he gave me, I thought better of it and kept quiet.
"You're in every part of my being; I'm so wrapped up in you I can hardly think straight. I haven't thought about another woman since I laid eyes on you in the hall. I haven't thought about touching another woman since I touched you. And do you think I would ever do that? Betray what we have?"
I looked at him for a long moment. "Well, Jacob, what am I supposed to think? I'm not your girlfriend. We aren't official. I just...I just..."
"I love you. I love you with everything I am; I swear it, Bella. I don't need a label or a special list of questions answered for me to know that," he choked out, cutting me off.
The tears fell faster down my face as I dropped my head. I was ashamed. I was so stupid. Here was this perfect man, who had made me feel a way that I never thought I could, and I was accusing him of things that now seemed so fucking stupid.
He sighed. "Ness was here to tell me that there's a story I have the opportunity to cover in Paris – the protests there." My heart fell a little more. My body longed for him, already, so much that I had to sit on the arm of his chair for support. "The first thing I thought of was you, and how I would tell you. It'll be for almost a month."
I knew this would happen at some point. He'd have to leave. I'd be left here with a broken heart one way or another.
"It sounds like a great opportunity, Jake," I whispered, weakly. I blinked and wiped away the fresh tears that had just rolled down my cheeks.
"I'm not going."
"What!" I yelled turning to him.
"I'm not going. I'm not leaving you. There's no way in hell I would now," he said, seriously.
"Jacob, you can't put your life – your career – on hold just to stay here."
"I can, and I will, Bella. I love you." He walked to me, pulling me up and into his arms. Part of me was so relieved to have him with me – the immature, selfish part of me. Another part, a part that was older, wiser, and louder, knew I couldn't let him do this.
"Jacob. You're going. That's it. I don't want to hear anything more about it." He started to speak, but I put my fingertips over his lips. "I'm so sorry, Jacob, for ever doubting you. I'm sorry for accusing you. I'm...I love you too," I admitted. "I love you so much, Jacob. So much it hurts sometimes."
He looked up at me, with those beautiful eyes so full of affection and emotion, and I felt more tears well up. He held me tighter, and then kissed my lips, and both cheeks. I let him, trying to calm myself – to stop the tears, but they still came.
He trailed kisses down my neck and shoulders, softly, reverently, and whimpered under his touch. He lifted me and I locked my ankles at his lower back I covered his mouth with mine, giving him all the love I had in my heart, hot and hard against his lips.
We undressed, slowly. He took care not to leave an inch of my skin untouched, pausing to kiss, lick or suck everywhere on my body. Then, he laid comfortably between my thighs, looking into my eyes, and positioning himself, ready to push into me. And I ached, more.
"Bella," he whispered, "Bella...come with me. Come with me to Paris." He slid into me before I could answer him, or even think. He filled me and it was like the first time, but...
It wasn't. It was familiar, and perfect, and mind-blowing, and...different.
He pushed his hips into me, carefully, deeply feeling and reaching every part of me. I cried out in pleasure and need.
"I want you with me," he continued, breathlessly. His hips rocked harder, taking both of us higher than we'd ever been. He buried his face in my neck and said, "I need you..."
I felt the tears begin, again; he had reached something locked so deep inside me... The beginnings of my orgasm took over me.
I moaned his name.
I moaned words of love.
"Please, Bella...." he said, as I shook, and the gushes flowed where we were connected. I expected to come down at some point.
I didn't.
He slowed his pace, lifting himself from my body, and giving me just enough of him to press upward inside me, at a new angle. He was grinding at the small concentrated place, smoothly and consciously.
It was too much.
I wasn't stopping.
I wasn't coming down.
He wouldn't let me.
My whole body jerked and shuddered again, but it didn't stop.
"Bella..." he whispered, "Bella, please..."
He leaned closer to me, reached down, and grasped my hips so tightly that I could feel the indentations of his fingers. He gripped them, and then drove back into me, roughly thrusting, and I felt myself fall further – harder.
I came again.
Oh, God, I came again.
I exploded into a million colors, and stars, and rain, and vibrations, and I felt him tremble above me finally.
Finally.
He was panting.
He was beautiful.
He lay gently on top of me, resting his head on my breasts, as we both attempted to catch our breaths. We were emotionally and physically spent. After a long while, I stirred, and he lifted his head to stare at me with those eyes, again.
At that moment, I knew. A small smiled tugged at the corner of my mouth.
"I think my passport is still good...My boss is gonna kill me, though."
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A/N – Thank you to my beta, Kay Cannon; you rock. Paris is gonna be quite an adventure :)
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